HA Recovery diaries #2 The body knows best

Something I have realised since starting my recovery journey is just how detached from our bodies we often are.  Living in our heads with a constant conveyor belt of thoughts; to do lists, criticisms, judgements, action plans..  Our bodies become something of an inconvenience and we find ourselves getting frustrated when they don’t look or behave how we think they should.  The fact that we consciously decide what our perfect body looks like and then try to make it so results in a constant uphill battle. Our bodies are smart!  They have their own ideas about what size they should be and can maintain that balance without any conscious thought from us.

I don’t even want to think about the amount of time I have spent over the years focusing on the size and shape of my body and what I can do to change it.  Endless hours spent researching diets, planning meals, killing myself at the gym, staring at my “flaws” in the mirror, worrying about falling off the wagon and how I can get back on. Never once did it cross my mind about what would happen if I just decided NOT to get back on.  Such a simple idea but one that seems so ludicrous when you are caught up in the whirlwind that is the diet and fitness world.

I never really bought the idea of “set-point” weight before. Like many people, I saw weight loss purely from a mathematical point of view and to be honest I thought that the only thing between anyone and their goal weight was their effort and motivation. Now I know that is not true!! For years and years I exercised intensely most days and limited my energy intake – what most of us feel is necessary to maintain a low body weight.  I didn’t trust my body, I thought that I was MUCH better off letting my mind do the thinking and planning and then my body could do as it was told. Of course this didn’t happen and resulted in me getting stuck in a vicious cycle of overeating and restricting/over exercising to compensate.

Every time I “failed” at a new diet endeavour, I was angry at my body for not conforming to my plans. I would religiously start again the next day in the hope that this time my body would listen to my mind which knew what was best for it. This constant feeling of failure left me feeling anxious and out of control. I never considered the fact that maybe my body was trying to tell me something. I was so convinced that what I had planned was the right thing to do; that I needed to eat a certain amount and exercise a certain amount in order to look at a certain way.

Since deciding to go “all in” with my recovery, my eyes have been opened to the fact that my body has its own agenda and that it really isn’t so bad! I have stopped all forms of intense exercise now since 3 months and have totally relaxed all of my food rules. And guess what, my body has hardly changed. I have gained a few lbs yes, but nothing hugely noticeable. I honestly can’t believe the amount of effort I put in for so long trying to maintain a slightly lower body weight. I guess we just have been taught not to trust our bodies and it becomes a belief that we have to constantly control ourselves. Letting go and trusting the process is so freeing and although my body weight might be higher my mind is so much lighter.

I am writing this hoping to give some reassurance to anyone waiting to take the leap out of restriction and into a life of freedom and abundance. And also as a reminder that just because we surrender doesn’t mean we are out of control. Choosing to make every decision based on the intelligence and intuition of our body and mind at that given moment and not on some arbitrary rules is the ultimate way to take control of our own life and health.

Do you find that you are “living in your head”? How about handing over control to your body just for a day and see how it feels.. you might just surprise yourself 🙂 

Amy x

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